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Thursday, July 8th, 2004
7:25 am - so, summer
Nothing exciting to report, really. Been spending time with Jody, and my kids, and loving every minute of it. I'm away from all of them during the season (though being away from the kids was all Gimpy LeGroin's fault), so I'm making up for it now. Been going horseback riding, and driving the kids all over for their sports, taking them shopping, to the movies, all that fun stuff. I haven't cooked a meal since the season ended, it's been great. And for the first time in a long time, my kids actually LIKE me again, so I'm loving that. We're getting a break from the kids this weekend though, going to Edmonton for a week or so. Mainly for Shawn's club opening, but we're going to visit Jody's parents for a while, and see some old friends I've got there from the old days. Should be fun. We need the break, as much as I love my kids.

What else is going on? Oh yeah, Gimpy LeGroin signed with Ottawa. That ought to be interesting, if I didn't have to hate Ottawa from having been a Leaf, I'd feel sorry for them signing his decrepit old groin. I can't wait for the first game they play against the Leafs, I really can't. They STILL won't be able to beat the Leafs, I'll go on record with that right now. I beg all of my old teammates to run him every chance you get, you guys know you want to anyway! It's OTTAWA after all, I'd expect you to run ME if I played there.

That's as much as I'm talking about hockey right now. We won't go into how I feel about my team, or lockouts or anything. Instead, I'm going to go start pouring some cereal because I've got 3 little monsters that'll be up soon, and a Jody to boot. Ah, how I love the offseason.

current mood: indifferent

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Sunday, April 11th, 2004
7:11 pm - Nashville. Ew.
I shouldn't be so amused. But, I am. And god dammit, I've earned the right to be. If I wasn't afraid of hoof and mouth disease, I'd kiss the Predators right now. But dear god, I wouldn't touch a THING in this city. We should be wearing radiation suits just to be on the safe side. Never thought I'd say this, but Christ almighty, I'd rather be in Detroit. At least the sea of red there is from jerseys, and not the necks of the fans. Whoever the hell gave Nashville a hockey team should be beaten severely and forced to live here. But ooh, Barbara Mandrell is here *fanboyish squeal*. Autograph time!

Never, never let me have Peeps on the bench again *twitches from sugar overdose*.

current mood: hyper

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Thursday, April 1st, 2004
10:12 pm - well, it's time I come out
I have to admit it, finally, I can just no longer keep it inside, it's too much.

I love Dominik Hasek.



I love him so much, if I could bear his children, I would. No one has ever made me feel like he does. When I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach, and my body aches with longing. I love him so much, I will not rest until he is mine. And when he finally is, then we'll get married at Center Ice at Joe Louis Arena, because there is just no one I want more at the happiest day of my life than the fans of Detroit. Ken Holland will be my Best Man, and Dave Lewis will perform the ceremony. And yes Dom, we can wear plaid tuxedos. AND I've already arranged for Karen Newman sing "Close To You" by the Carpenters at the reception. Think of the excitement! I'm all twitterpated just thinking about it! I can't wait. You're all invited, so please come and join us and celebrate our sacred union!*

*Collapse )

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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
7:18 pm
*Yawn*

Getting mighty tired of all this crap. Can I get a break here, World?

No? Yeah, fuck you too.

current mood: annoyed

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Monday, February 16th, 2004
3:01 am
Crazy how things work out, isn't it? The term "emotional roller coaster" seems to best describe how this year was for me. Up down, round and round, and I wind up right back where I started. Still not sure how I feel about that. The jury will probably be out on that particular issue for a while yet. If they reach a verdict, I'll let you know.

Basically, what this all comes down to is, my life got rocked, I got fucked over and spit on (both literally and figuratively) for Gimpy LeGroin to play 14 games. I had to be away from my family, go to the minors TWICE, and deal with countless other bullshit for 14 games. This is definitely not one of those moments I feel bad for kicking his ass.

But I'm not going to dwell on that right now. In fact, that only thing I AM going to dwell on is the fact that I am currently having some quality Jody time. That is the only good thing about this current ankle injury. It's very convenient having a boyfriend in Columbus, let me tell you. But, I've got to be back in Detroit in the morning, so I need to make the best of what little time I have left. And now that he's awake, I plan to do just that *grin*.

current mood: devious

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Friday, January 9th, 2004
4:06 am
Snicker snicker snicker.

Who's laughing now?

Oh right, still me *laughs*.

Man, I crack me up.

current mood: drunk

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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
2:46 am
Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in. This fucking team is like the mafia.

current mood: annoyed

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Friday, November 21st, 2003
1:17 am - Sick
Sick of pretending I'm happy.

Sick of hiding how I really feel.

Sick of being one man against the world.

Sick of listening to the laughter.

Sick of seeing the smiles.

Sick of not remembering what it feels like to do either.

Sick of myself.

Sick of life.

Just sick.


current mood: nauseated

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Sunday, November 9th, 2003
5:37 pm - awww...
Florida Panthers fire Mike Keenan

Couldn't happen to a bigger fucking asshole nicer guy.

*snickers* As much as it happens, I never enjoy it any less. Someone remind me to send another gift basket to the karma patrol.

current mood: amused

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Sunday, September 7th, 2003
9:27 pm - SEX!!!!!!
Now that I have your attention, it's time for a somber, sad update. Okay, not really. I don't feel like talking about me at all. I have no team, I'm going to miss training camp, and I have a toothache, so all and all, I'm not a fun subject right now. But, I'm NOT too depressed about anything right now, for reasons I won't even get into. But, what little unhappiness I have right now, I'm about to chase away, by doing something that has come to give me great joy in recent weeks. And that, is to mock Dominik Hasek. Thanks to today's Detroit News, that is very easy to do today. Because they published this picture:



He is thinking right there "Take that Joseph, you bastard! I stole your job, bwahahahahaha! For I am the Great Dominik Hasek, and you must BOW to me! BOW I SAY! *shakes fist*."

Either that, or he's thinking "Stop mocking my gold suits, you bastard American reporter! *shakes fist*. I will beat you down like an inline hockey player, biatch!"

Either way, I'm amused *laughs*. Feel free to create a caption for that picture yourself, it's just screaming for it. Could he possibly look any stupider?.....Okay, I know the answer to that. I've seen the suit he wore at his wedding.

Ohhh but wait, there is more. There was an article to go with that picture. And there is one little part that I have to comment on:

"I know it's a difficult situation," said Hasek, who has yet to speak to Joseph.

*gasp* lying about me to the public, Dominik? And here I thought we were friends *snicker*. I'm hurt, really I am. In fact, I'm so hurt, I think I might have to go off and weep now.

*laughs* or not. I'm going to find something to eat, then I'll think I'll get online, Brent wanted to talk to me about something. And I think I'll have a few drinks tonight to celebrate the fact that the whiny little asshole (that's what we call Manny) took me off his friend's list *rejoices*. But yeah, I'm going now. Just thought I would share that lovely picture with you all *laughs*. Later.

current mood: giggly

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Thursday, July 17th, 2003
5:21 am - Hasek....
You can claim you're man enough to make an apology all you want to. Be man enough to mean it, then maybe I'll believe you. Show one little bit of remorse for anything you've ever done, then come talk to me about how sorry you are.

current mood: annoyed

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Sunday, July 13th, 2003
2:29 am - You ever get that feeling....
You ever get that feeling when you're in a room full of people, like everyone is whispering about you behind your back? Or how about the feeling like you are the last person anyone wants around, that everyone just wants you to go away? Yeah, I got those feelings for an entire year. And *gasp* would you look at that, they were well founded. No one wanted me here, and I knew that from day one. Even if I didn't, it shouldn't have been much to figure out saying as there were all of 2 people who even tried to make an effort to be my friend, and one of them I met six fucking years ago and have an entire complicated history with. No one gave a shit about me, and they all wanted me gone. Well look at that, they all got their wishes. Congratulations.

I should be a lot more upset about this, especially at Hasek for being a selfish dick. And if I were the meaner person I wish I could be, I would've rammed my no-trade clause straight down their throats and hoped they choked on their own vomit. I don't see anyone claiming me off waivers with my salary, so they would've just been stuck with me. But that's not the type of person I am, and I hate that. I want to be an asshole, but I can't. Maybe that's why I've never been successful, I don't have that "edge." If I were a concieted, selfish, money hungry, wife beating, arrogant, psycho, pompus ass, maybe then I'd have a Cup. Maybe then I might be wanted. But probably not. I'm just stupid little insignifcant Curtis, the one no one gives a shit about. Nobody wants me. This is exactly how I felt when I found out I was adopted.

But who the fuck cares right? No one gives a shit about my feelings. The biggest mistake I've EVER made in 36 years of life was ever leaving Toronto. At least I was wanted there. I thought I was wanted in Detroit, but imagine that, I was wrong again. An entire year of being hated, and whispered about, and wished into oblivion. Congratulations on all that, it worked, I'm going away just like you all wanted. I'm gone now, likely to some place I don't want to be. But like I said, no one gives a shit about my feelings, so what should that matter. I think I'm going to go and cling to my old Blues sweater and pray to everything holy that maybe THEY will want me. I always looked better in blue anyway.

current mood: sick

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Monday, June 2nd, 2003
3:02 am - I had to....
I had to do what is right for me. I'm sorry that anyone else had to be hurt because of it, but I was doing the only thing I know how to do: Take care of myself. I guess I'm not allowed to do that though *sigh*. Add yet another to the list of people that hate me. That list is now includes the entire world, I think. Good for me.

*shakes head* sometimes I wonder how I ever got this far.

current mood: confused

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Monday, April 21st, 2003
8:18 pm - what's left to say?
This was one hell of a season for me personally, probably the hardest I've ever had with the exception of Keenan's first year in St. Louis. Am I happy with the way things have went this year? No, I'm not at all. 34 wins on a season, 5 shutouts, I finished with a respectable GAA, and a good save percentage. I should be happy about it, right?

Yeah, well I'm not. I know I can play better than I did. People expected so much of me when I came here, and I didn't live up to expectations at all. I can pick a few games here and there throughout the season where I played the way I can; 2nd game against Ottawa, my last game against St. Louis, a few others. But I should've been able to have that kind of performance in every game. And in the past I did. But this year....I just don't know what happened.

It was a lot of different things. Adjusting to the type of game Detroit plays, and the much much different defensive system they have was a big challenge. It never went as smoothly as I would've liked it to. It took me until February really to get used to it. The past really came back to haunt me here. Stuff that was long dead and buried was dug up, and thrown at me. I tried to deal with that as best I could, but I don't know if I ever really did. I'd like to say that I was a professional and didn't let any of it throw me off my game, but I would be lying. It did throw me off my game, pretty badly in fact. And I wasn't really able to get things back right until I sat down and told myself that everything else, every little distraction going on, had to stop mattering. In a sense, I shut myself away from everything. And it worked for the most part. I'm getting ahead of myself here though.

Leaving Toronto was a lot harder than I ever anticipated it would be. Coming here to Detroit, with them just having won the Cup as a team, and being one of 2 or 3 guys that hadn't, it really made me feel out of place. I wanted to be worthy of being here, and I probably tried a little too hard. It was something that at the time I couldn't really handle, but now I'm glad it happened. I understand now what its like to play for this team, and what it takes to win. I don't feel out of place anymore, we've been through the wars as a team, all of the good and the really really bad. I would've liked to be better, and I know I can be. This was a bad year for me no matter how you slice it. But going through it all I feel has really made me a stronger person overall. And I know for sure that I never want to go through it again.

I still have faith in my abilities, and that's something I'm not going to lose again. There were times this year I wasn't so sure, but those times are done and gone. I have faith in myself, and in this team, and I know now that faith is returned. The media, and the fans can say all they want, I really don't care. I have faith in myself, and my teammates have faith in me, and that's all that matters to me. This year was just a bump in the road, and I have faith in believing that it will only get better from here.

It's going to be a long summer. I'm going to have to sit back and listen all summer long to people say how I cost my team the Cup, and all of this other garbage. But you know what? Who cares? They can say all the things they want about me, and they do. I know myself, they don't know me. I'm not upset about it anymore. They are always going to have their opinions. And 90% of the time everything they say is pulled straight from their asses. I'm just not going to let it phase me anymore. I'm much happier that way.

I wasn't the greatest person to be around for a big chunk of this year. I let everything that was happening to CuJo effect me as Curtis Joseph. I took it out on teammates, and on my family. I'm done doing that. I'm happy again for the first time in a while. Yeah, I'm upset about everything that happened, but it's not the end of the world. It's in the past now, and I'm moving on. I'm filling my summer with nothing but my kids, and cookouts, and new books, and just stuff that I enjoy. I'm taking the time to let all the stresses of the past year just melt away, and just let myself relax and enjoy my life. There are a lot less fortunate people in the world who don't have it as good as I do, and I know I've taken that for granted in the past. I'm not doing it anymore. It's time to enjoy the life I've been blessed with, and that's just what I plan to do.

It should be a fun summer. But come October...NHL be on the lookout. Because we'll be back. And believe you me, we'll be back with a vengeance. I'll try to keep this thing updated throughout the summer, but I make no promises, as always. But for right now, I bring this to a close. I have some kids demanding I help them make a fort out of the couch cushions *laughs*. Kids, gotta love 'em.

current mood: happy

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Friday, February 28th, 2003
6:03 pm - well that was fun...
Winning is fun. Winning against your former team in such a commanding way is just about as fun as anything in the entire world. I appreciate the seven goals guys *hugs all of my teammates except the assholes*. Three in the first period even, that really helped me relax so I could just play my game. That was really all I wanted to do, to go out there and show everyone that I was the same player that I've always been. And I definitely did that. We played a great game as a team, and came out with another 2 points, which is all that really matters. But I can't lie. This one felt GOOD. Actually, better than good. I'm still kind of giddy. I'm going to enjoy this one for the next couple days. I guess the media won't have anything to say now. What a pity that is. My point was proven last night. I'm still Cujo.

Thanks, guys.

current mood: ecstatic

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2003
6:28 pm - *stretches*
Good practice today, though Boyd dinged me in the mask with a shot *rubs head*. I'll survive I'm sure, I've just got a nice ringing in my ears. It's a good tune actually, I should try to write some lyrics for it.

No, I wasn't hit that hard, really.

Tomorrow we play the Leafs, and strangely I'm not really that excited about it. It'll be a good challenge, of course, but I'm just treating it as any other game. My personal stuff isn't important, it's what's important to the team, and that's winning. I just want to get in there and play a strong game, and get two points. The media is trying to make a big deal about it, "Curtis Joseph vs. the Maple Leafs." Newsflash people, I don't play the entire game on my own. For one thing, it's really hard to score with a goal stick. For another thing, I'm just another member of this team. It's the Red Wings vs. the Maple Leafs, and that's that. Hockey is a team game, not an individual game. If this were a different sport, it probably would be Me vs. the Maple Leafs, but hockey is a TEAM game. Personal goals don't matter as long as the team wins. And going into tomorrow, that's all I care about. And I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that happens. I'm not going in there to stick it to the Leafs or to Pat Quinn and show them what they lost. I'm just going in to win. That's all I care about. The media of course has a different opinion. It's funny how it's their opinion that matters when I'M the one involved in it *shakes head*. Such is the life of a hockey player.

Speaking of life, there's a lot else going on right now. I've been thinking about a lot of stuff, and I'm not sure that I like any of it. I'm just kind of confused about a lot of things right now. I could really use someone to talk to about all of this, but with everything else going on with this team, I really don't want to add to it. I think the best thing for me right now is to probably just not think about all of it, and concentrate on my family, and on hockey. That's what's gotten me through everything in the past, so I should just stick with what I know I guess. *shrugs* I don't know. I'm not letting it bother me though. It's just one of those things I think about when I'm sitting in front of this thing with no noise going on around me. What I should actually be thinking about is WHY there is no noise going on around me. I'd better go check on those kids....

current mood: cheerful

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Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
5:29 pm - *shakes head*
I forget sometimes that I have one of these things. It's been what, like two months since I wrote here? *shrugs* I haven't had a lot worth talking about. It would just be a lot of bitching, and really no one needs to read that.

I don't have a whole lot to say right now, I don't know why I'm writing here at all. Oh wait yes I do. It was Luc's birthday yesterday, so happy birthday Luc! I hope you get a goal tonight for your birthday. God knows that you deserve it after everything you've been through this year, and especially in the last few days. *shakes head* what is with people now days always having to be down about something, or always having to make themselves feel better by trying to hurt other people? I don't get it anymore. Apparently some people are a lot more fucked up then I ever thought possible. Not that I'm perfect in any sense of the word. But not even I'm as bad those people. And really, I should have a lot more issues than anyone else. 14 years as a goalie and all, I'm supposed to be a little screwy.

Anyway, I'm going to go and get something to eat now before the game. Vancouver tonight, should be a good one. I think me, and Kirk and Trevor are supposed to go out afterward. I'm not sure though, I have a tendency to tune Kirk out when he talks for too long, which is quite often. I suppose I'll find out later on. Anyway, I'm gone. I'll try to remember to write here more often, but I promise nothing.

current mood: bored

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Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
2:13 am - I should've known....
I should've known it was too good to last. I thought he was so perfect, that he'd never ever hurt me. But the second I stopped thinking it was going to happen, it happened. I don't think I would even feel as bad as I do if it hadn't happened with HIM. It just had to happen with Kirk.

Kirk and I have a lot of history. And maybe...maybe this is just payback for what I did to him. But he told me so often that he didn't hold a grudge, that he didn't blame me at all for the way things happened for him. And I believed him. I don't know why I did. I hate me for what I did, why shouldn't he? I just wanted to believe that that part of my life was in the past...I should've known that the past is never really at rest. He was probably just waiting, plotting to get me back the entire time. Well he got me back. And he hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before.

I love Manny. I love him more than I've ever loved anything in my life. But I can't be with him if he does this....it's just too much for me. I trusted him with all of my soul, and he just spit in the face of that. Maybe...maybe he never really loved me. Maybe I just wanted him to love me so bad, I never realized that he was just using me....

I don't know. I just want to go cry until I pass out. Maybe when I wake up all of this will be gone.

current mood: crushed

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Saturday, November 30th, 2002
8:34 pm - This is where the subject goes
I'm bored, so I figured I'd do a quick update here. I don't really have a lot to say, so this will probably be short.

Game last night *shakes head*. It was like a team of Mario Lemieux's against us, anything the guys did they got a penalty for. It was really really stupid. I'm not surprised we lost, there's no way anyone can kill off that many penalties. Like Manny said, we got beat by the referees, not by Carolina. I'm sorry I wasn't better guys.

Apparently I traumatized the bench doing the splits last night? Guys, get over it, I'm a goalie, I'm flexible like that. That's not to say I wasn't kinda sore after it though. But thankfully I have Manny to make me feel better :-) And he can give a massage to die for. I love him so much.

Speaking of Manny, he's molesting me as I type, so I think I should go now *giggles*.

current mood: good

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Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
4:36 am - I fucking suck
Four fucking goals. They pulled me after four fucking goals. Four goals I should've had. I might as well just never play again and let everyone shoot at empty nets on the nights I'm supposed to play. I can't believe I used to be considered one of the best goalies in the league. HAHAHAHA, I sure fooled them. I suck more than anyone has ever sucked before. I'm not even good enough to be a back-up in the AHL. I should just retire. Manny would do a better job than me anyway. At least people want him here.

No one ever talks to me. The only two that do aren't doing it anymore. I knew that no one wanted me here to begin with, and now it's even more apparent. I understand it though, I suck and ruined any chance for a repeat. I'm sorry. I'll just continue going on being not talked to and try not to suck too bad as Manny's back-up once he gets the starting job. Hopefully you guys can win enough games with him, because I couldn't stop a beachball I suck so bad. I'm going to finish this schnapps and beat my head against a wall until I pass out. Maybe I'll be drunk while I sit on the bench tomorrow too.

current mood: crushed

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